This is my final week in Saint Louis. In some ways, the time has gone quickly but it has also been so full of new experiences, it feels like I’ve been gone for a long while.
My schedule remains pretty much the same most days – classes, devotions, Talibe and so on. The hot water at my place has run out so I’m more alert these days! Really, it isn’t bad – the water isn’t very cold and I heat water and use the sink for my hair. It’s working. And grateful for all the hot water I’ve had since I didn’t think there would be any!
One of the sweet parts of my daily walks is the children. In the morning, there are little groups headed off to school, and later in the day, some out playing. Many of them say, “Bonjour” and “ca va” and smile. Some want to shake hands so that is always a pleasure. They bless me – such a privilege.
Monday was the 18th anniversary of Paul’s death. It was good to have a busy day, but I did mark it by sprinkling some of his ashes here. Taking small amounts of his ashes with me on my travels has been deeply meaningful to me over the years. He has gone with me and is all over the world. He is a part of what I do.
Wednesday was a break from routine. In the morning, Feluine took me around the neighborhood to visit a couple of marabouts and see where the Talibe boys live, if one can call it that. We first visited the group of boys that had come to the center for several years. They were so happy to see Feluine! One of the boys looked so much like my sponsored son in Zambia. I loved seeing this face but so wish it were in a different location. The boys stay under a tarp with a couple of mats on the ground. This is where they sleep. Not great now but in the hot rainy season, it must be a misery. There are no hygiene facilities. We visited with the marabout who seemed very happy to see us. He was a younger man and thanked us for what has been done for the boys.
Next, we visited the current group of boys’ marabout. He was an older man and his wife was also there – much younger than he. Here the boys had a covered area but the roof was in bad shape and I’m sure leaked when it rained. These boys were reciting their Koranic verses. Supposedly, this is why they come to the marabout – to learn the Koran. But mainly they beg. I see them all over when I am out, holding out a hand and hoping to fill their plastic buckets.
This was a hard morning – seeing the totality of these boys’ lives. I kept picturing my grandsons here, having this life, and it appalled me and made me so sad. I was grateful to Feluine for bringing me because I shouldn’t be ignorant or unseeing of the realities here, hard as they are. Another step for the woman who tried to avoid the hard and unpleasant. God has pulled my hands away from my eyes at Tuol Sleng and the Killing Fields, in refugee camps, at filthy water holes, in AIDS shelters, in brothels, and so much more. But in the midst, there has always been God, even though I have railed at Him sometimes. And there has also been beauty in faces and little things like the butterflies at the Killing Fields. I don’t have answers for any of this – just trying to be willing to do my part, do what God asks of me. Often, not easy. I am very human and want life to be sweet and beautiful.

Later that day, I went to one of the American missionaries’ homes for supper. Another young woman also came. It was so nice to see a place that someone cared for – little personal touches and things to make it feel like a home. This young woman, Laura, has been here for 7 years. After a very good dinner, Western style with plates and napkins, we enjoyed tea and cookies and shared a bit about our lives. It was such a nice evening.

And now there are just two days left. I will be happy to return and see family and friends, but a part of me stays here and I will come home a little different than when I left. What a blessing these experiences have been in my life!